If So.. Yes I am an Idiot

Life is always interesting. It makes you genius and sometimes idiot at a time. You feel happy when you are called genius and get disappointed when called idiot. How can I be different? But this time, I was forced to question myself when I was called an idiot for the reason I will never give more preference to.

Morning of Tuesday, 6 September was just wow! What a beautiful morning. When I opened my eyes, I saw two birds above the garden flying around and flying again. I witnessed this beautiful scenario most of the times as I am one of those lucky ones to have garden outside my window. I just wanted to lie on my bed and enjoy the morning. But it clicked that I had my classes. 'Gosh! Already 7:30, girl wake up and get ready'. I rushed towards washroom to get fresh, although I was in hurry I didn't forget to look at mirror and give a smile. I usually do that to give a good start to my every morning.

I became fresh, offered my prayers and done with my tea. Now, dress, thank god it was ironed last night. White kameez and light green shalwar with dark green dupatta, was not bad as I was comfortable with it. I was never dress conscious back in my country but this is one of those development on me after coming here in Pakistan.  Properly ironed and well-dressed was the major change I could observe. But still when I dress, I always look for my comfort not for others and I still believe that dress should please me first. As always, I was comfort with the shalwar kameez that I was wearing and proudly I received good compliments for the dress.  

Coincidentally, it was the Defense Day in Pakistan, and I was unknown. When I reached department, every single person I met (whom I know) started chanting, "Pakistan Jindabad!"  I was like Ok! Fine, thank you. Besides, everything was going normal as usual. Then suddenly we were informed that we will have two free lectures, and what else, this was the best thing to hear as we get enough time to chit chat and sometimes out for breakfast as well.  We planned to go somewhere for breakfast. As I don't know much restaurants around this city, my friends were busy discussing and I started talking with one of my male colleagues. At the beginning of our conversation, I received common compliment of that day, "Oh! White Kameez and green Shalwar, Pakistan Jindabad!"

 I asked, "Why is everyone saying Pakistan Jindabad?"

He said, "Today is Defense Day. And also you have worn white Kameez and green Shalwar, the dress that we specially wear in Independence Day, which is 14^th August."

I said, "Ok! Happy Defense day! Sorry! I was unknown to this fact."

He said, "But do you know that your dupatta is not matching with your Shalwar? You should have worn light green dupatta. What kind of dress is this that you are wearing? Complete mismatch."

Picture from Google

And he started giving his own suggestions that was irritating me. It was not the first time he commented on my dress, good or bad, he always notices what I wear and passes comments which I never ask for. I was on my head, why should someone have problem with what kind of dress I wear. My anger was repressed since long, and that day I just couldn’t stop myself.

I shouted, "What's your problem? I am comfortable with this dress and it's not necessary that I should please your eyes. I am dressed according to the society where I am living now. Why should you comment on my dress? I never ask you if I am looking beautiful or not and I don't think you are here to look upon dresses I wear."

I was a bit loud and many of my colleagues were shocked to see me in anger. However, another friend consoled me and suggested me to ignore those kinds of persons. I was calmed down. After sometime, I felt bad that I shouted at him. I was feeling bad for being so loud and thinking that I could have 

told him separate, but no I told him many times it was important; but he felt bad, maybe he felt insulted, but you felt insulted many times when he commented on your dress, hairstyle… Ah! These feelings, guilt were just killing me that suddenly I received a message, "Today you did really unethical. I will never talk to such an idiot girl." I replied "Thanks" and was blocked after that.

Then, I started thinking if I am seriously an idiot. To be angry for commenting on my attires is an act of idiot? Should I always close my mouth when someone comments on my attire? My mind was about to burst with these questions then I realized it's fine if someone calls me idiot for this. It’s better to be called idiot then to stay quiet when someone comments for what you are wearing. Let people gossip but it's your life let you live it on own.  Because one of the prominent American writer and illustrator of 20th century Dr. Theodor Seuss Geisel also says, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” 

2072, a year of 3 L's (Loss, Lesson and Love)

"Another year has gone by
And I'm still the one by your side
After everything that's gone by
There's still no one saying goodbye
Though another year has gone by"

And with these lines from Celine Dion's song, here comes an end to my most memorable year 2072 B.S. Usually, every year is important in own way and is remembered by different reasons, but 2072, it’s a year to be remembered for multiple reasons.

I still remember the first hour of 2072, when I was weaving my dream, my plan; all around were busy in drinking, dancing, singing but I was planning something, something different. Like always, I was thinking to make this year unforgettable. But who knew that it's gonna be remembered in sour memories. The first morning visit of holy place "Baitani Damn" in rural part of Lalitpur poured positive vibes on me. I was pretty sure that the year will be pure as the holy place and beautiful like the Rhododendrons (national flower of Nepal) that surrounded me. Yes, it was pure too, but only till 12^th Baishak(25^th April); the day that changed the game, not only of mine but of my family and country. The devastating earthquake scattered dreams of my country, people here and of my family and mine too.

Source: Google 

The first "L" "LOSS", yes it started from this day. My family's business turned down, all hopes were lost and my dreams too. Losing the senior member of family, my grandfather was another great loss, which filled me with regrets and dissatisfaction. With the time being, losing the care and love of some friends due to my own silly mistakes added more to it. During this tough period, I got a pretty second "L", "LESSON". A lesson to handle the worst situation, a lesson to cope up with null hope, a lesson to prove maturity in the right time. Providing the strength to stand high, confident, and strong and stable, I learnt to fight with economic, physical and mental lacking. People come and go, it’s the way world runs, but one has to stay still and move forward accepting the situation was the main and foremost lesson of the year.

And the beautiful, "L", "LOVE", that I received from my friends is seriously uncountable. I was poured with immense love from my friends (old and new). From finding new friends of different culture in different land to getting back support every second from my always reigning friends, I was surrounded by love most of the time. I can say this is what that helped me out of the problems and encouraged to stay calm.

New Year, 2073 has already arrived, and this year actually with no dreams, no hopes, I am gonna make it memorable, don’t worry memorable in positive part for sure. My effort for this year will be to collect strength to stick on my decisions, to not regret and to live jolly life which suits me and for which I am made for. With all guns blazing, I am now on the ground to battle with every problem, and thanks to 2072 for making me this strong. Last but not the least, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2073 to all out there, May god provide you much strength and patience to go through my blog which has revived from this minute. Stay Blessed and obviously bless me too.